My Blue Cheese Manifesto

Last month, I promised to devote March to the blues. Why? Because a lot of Americans live in fear of cheeses with blue mold. And I want to be the angel of Gorgonzola.

Also, I would like to write The Essential Guide to Blue Cheese someday, so let’s call this the preface. Or a party. Or a parade. Over the next few weeks, I am going to put blue cheese on the catwalk. Yes, yes, I really mean it. We are going to have a blue cheese beauty pageant and everything.

Are you with me? Then, let me begin.

I have a testimonial to give:

I love blue cheese, and I want more Americans to enjoy it. Instead of grabbing a hunk of processed cheddar at the grocery, I want more people to buy Maytag. It’s a quintessential American cheese that's been made in Iowa since the '40s, using raw milk. It’s our version of Roquefort but much milder.

I think we need a national blue cheese identity. After all, most European countries have one:

• England = Stilton
• France = Roquefort
• Italy = Gorgonzola
• Denmark = Saga
• Ireland=Cashel

Seeing as many of us are descendants of these countries, doesn’t it seem like we should have a healthy appreciation of the blues? Instead, we are known for the Kraft Single and Cheez-Whiz.

But we could change that if we caused a Maytag run.

America = The Land of Maytag

What do you think? Can we do it together?

If you forget the name, just think of your washing machine. Maytag is made by the same family that makes your home appliances. You can find it in most well-stocked groceries. Look for the silver foil.

Then take it home and repeat after me:

We, as blue cheese lovers, believe:

• It's better to wear fake eyelashes than to eat fake cheese.

• Penicillium Roqueforti is natural and has been safe for humans since 50 A.D.

• Eating blue cheese is patriotic. Especially if you put it on a BLT. (It looks a little bit like a flag.)

• Powerful cheese = powerful pleasure.